Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

4,668
Comedy #141

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by Xandy and Christine Schiefer. Produced by the Forever Dog Podcast Network.

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Recent Reviews
  • Bookschief
    I would give it 6 stars if I could
    I just found this show last week and I’m already on episode 54! The siblings are hilarious and I could honestly listen all day long, I just adore the way they interact. Thank you for being the best darn baron and baroness of cream.
  • lizard peopleeee
    my favorite go-to podcast
    I am now on my third time listening through the whole podcast, while also listening to the new drops each week. I LOVE THIS SHOW!! not only are Xandy and Xtine extremely funny and entertaining, but it is the ONLY podcast I can listen to no matter what mood I’m in or what I’m doing!! my go tos used to be true crime/paranormal (like ATWWD, where I first heard of BTSWTW) and this chaoticly beautiful podcast is the ONLY one that I can listen to all day every day and not get tired or too distracted, as I listen during work lol NEVER STOP MAKING THIS SHOW ♥️
  • Lynzie Peanut
    Whoa wow whoa woooowwwwwaaaaaa
    Did I get your attention????? EEEKKK! I gotta say I love this podcast! You both crack me up and I love the tangents I swear listening at work gets me through my day and makes me look crazy trying not to bust out laughing out loud. Please don’t change and Xandy for anyone who says anything’s about your looks well maybe they need a mirror for themselves you’re both perfect. My favorite sibling duo. I’m already adopted but I would like to be adopted by you!
  • To many ad’s!
    Worlds best show
    I love you so so much. I just started listening to it and it’s the worlds funniest show. I love how they Christine brings the funniness and Alex brings the realness. It’s great for long car rides. Love it
  • ilovemystinkycat42
    Impeccable Vibes
    I’m on my fourth relisten and I can’t stop won’t stop. I cackle at this podcast and then cackle again later when I think about what I was cackling about earlier. I reference this show constantly because of the plethora of unbelievable situations and unique personalities it has introduced me to. It’s simply a perfect podcast. #EradicateAllOceanWorms
  • justatherian🌳🐾
    🪴
    When the water is too wet and the beach is too sandy we use this podcast to stay dry.❤️ but i would give zero stars if i could
  • L/A/L
    Responding to Gresham Qu in yoga episode
    I can confirm that some people in Portland, OR are rude about people who live in the nearby Gresham. I have lived in both. Two possible reasons for people looking down on Gresham 1. Gresham’s a bit boring. The “downtown” is cute but very small. And 2. There’s a very poor area of Gresham called Rockwood, and I think it’s what a lot of people think of when they think Gresham.
  • Tacticatt
    Desert too dry!!
    I found this show through a murder podcast and needed something to drown my sorrows of the winter blues. As I lay on my couch with my toddler smacking my face with a spatula I can’t help but laugh. The chaos of upset people having a worse time than me makes the violent toddler seem less crazy. The theatrical voice of xandy and the Disney princess voice of xtine are perfect for such comedy and chaos. Thanks for the escape from reality.
  • j_a_x_
    Does Anyone Else Dance to the Song?
    Here for the chaotic sibling energy 💞
  • xoJessicaRae.
    Hilarious
    Keeps me laughing during my work day 🙂
  • Ellmi289
    Agents of Lucifer
    Love this podcast so much :) such a comfort listen
  • Olichka2024
    Part of the fam
    I’ve been going through a lot of life changing transitions over the last couple years and I haven’t felt grounded because of it. I’ve felt like a kite just blowing in whatever direction the wind takes me. I’ve always been a podcast listener, but I usually bounce around depending on my mood. When I discovered this podcast, I became obsessed- and have been listening exclusively to Beach too Sandy for the last few months. A few nights ago, I was feeling down and my immediate instinct was to put on your podcast because the familiarity of your voices and dynamics helped me feel less alone. I don’t normally write reviews but I thought it would be important to share that this podcast had made a significant impact on the mental wellbeing of at least one listener. Thank you, Schiefer sibs! I feel like I’m part of the family!
  • BedTundy43
    Nooo
    They’re hard to listen to and just ramble on. The things they say aren’t funny. They need to worry more about the reviews. Do yourself a favor and listen to your stupid opinions. That’s a super funny podcast about reviews
  • Ck4444!
    Loveee this podcast
    I love this podcast I have been listening to it for almost a year now you guys inspired me and my friend to create one of are own!!!!
  • Babydust1974
    Love this podcast!!!
    I am starting from the beginning of this podcast. I absolutely love how you read the reviews in a dramatic fashion lol. I am on episode 87 and I love how you decided not to do reviews on Texas jails but instead you donated to the immigrants and their families. I know that was a few years ago but here we are again in the same nightmare with Trump. I’m glad you guys have a good heart. And don’t let those right wingers get to you! Stay kind and funny!
  • Amartbetan
    Updated Review: Love It
    Leaving my original review below to stay true to my word. I have listened to every episode now, and adore this podcast. I feel like Xandy was going through some stuff when I first started, and I’m glad I kept on. The sibling bickering and back and forth is perfect, their random stories are wholesome, and seeing how the reviews have evolved over time has been really cool to see, even if it was backwards at the time. The reviews are chaotic and I’m so happy to hear them on a weekly basis now. Keep it up guys. Original review: I came over and listened because of Xtine and ATWWD. I’m very on the fence about Xandy. Some days I feel he is extremely pretentious and clueless about his privilege/upbringing, and others I actually like him and think he’s funny. The content is solid (assuming they’re sober), and I’ve mostly enjoyed the episodes I’ve listened to (working my way backwards). My biggest complaints are about the editing. The number of times there’s just dead air before anyone starts talking is too often for a single episode. I’ve also experienced a lot of repeated content (it sort of loops back on itself). As of now, I’ll keep listening, mainly because the reviews seem to o dictate that their oldest stuff is way better, so I’m hoping I’ll like that more.
  • How Can I Keep From Singing
    Great!
    So funny!
  • Integratness
    Thank you & I love you
    I’ve listened to every episode, starting from ep.1 at least 3 times now. This is my comfort, go to entertainment. Y’all’s are so funny and very relatable personalities to me. Also I loved your last live show in Seattle! Thank you for being you and living so authentically.
  • Nicole C-N
    A favorite for sure!
    The episodes are all so funny. Listening to it always brightens my day!
  • TronnyDump
    Xtina is a weight dragging Xandy down
    Do not waste your time with this why we drink, it’s unlistenable. Xandy is the only talent here. Xtina is a terrible joke told by a repulsive person
  • Eyelashfetish
    Love this podcast
    First of all, big fan of ATWWD which is how I found this pod. I think my favorite thing is how Christine cracks herself up. A lot of time, I find myself laughing along because of how infectious her laugh is. You are both great and have a great back and forth. I am starting a pod and can only hope to be as awesome and this one ❤️
  • Missing Glide
    I love this podcast! But
    I love this podcast! The reviews are hilarious but xtine, for the love of all things holy, please let xandy finish his reviews. Xandy has to restart his reviews often because Christine just has to interject. It’s giving untreated ADHD.
  • Jorjorden
    First time listener!
    I just got all caught up with and that’s why we drink! Needed a new podcast. Listened too the first 3 episodes. You guys are great at what you do with both podcasts thank you for helping me laugh 💕. Love you alll
  • CatsRising
    Dear Xandy,
    You are exactly the height I thought you’d be and I’ve always loved you. Sincerely, Your REAL Grandpa
  • Em Anon
    I love this podcast
    I love listening to these two siblings banter… but I’d give it zero stars if I could.
  • Chupacabra man
    Religious Mockery
    It took less than 10 minutes into my first episode, and they already mocked Christians and the Bible. They are totally free to do that, and I’m free to unfollow. I just don’t know why they want to make fun of me. If you are a faith filled person of any religion, I caution you.
  • Doodle Jump Princess
    Only one drawback
    I absolutely love this podcast. My only issue is that Christine eats or chews gum or something during quite a few episodes. I’m still giving it five stars because most people probably don’t even notice this issue. I have misophonia, though, so I have had to skip certain episodes because of these noises. Otherwise this is a fun and entertaining podcast based on a creative concept.
  • cmdm
    please STOP LAUGHING…
    i’ve never heard anything funny…from the reviews or either of the hosts…they’re both so arrogant it’s nauseating…why are they so confident? their podcast stinks…it’s confusing…
  • kass949494
    my favvvorite podcast
    okay i have a lot of “favorite” podcasts but this one is genuinely at the top lol i’m one of those crazy people who listen backwards (most recent episodes first, then older episodes) and think that the episodes just get better and better! no offense, the older episodes were just shorter and i love how long they are now 😂 the banter, the jokes, the gasps and dramatizations are laugh out loud funny. this show gets me through my long dog grooming days and i can’t and won’t ever shut up about it. please come to florida! you’ll have an abundance of fodder for ridiculous reviews here, that’s for sure! thank you for everything that y’all do 🩷
  • Wadeford90
    Feels like they need to take a break
    Let me start by saying this is quite literally the only podcast I listen to, and has been for nearly 4 years. The sibs have gotten me through monotonous trips to work and extended roadtrips throughout the US. Wednesdays are the highlight of my week because it means a new episode is airing, and I’ve listened to older episodes at least twice. Lately it feels as if the episodes are struggling to hit the same as the older ones. The choice of reviews feels desperate, the banter feels more forced, and the jokes more half hearted than before. All of this is under the looming shadow that Xtine is busy with her other podcast, and that Xandy has moved cross country while dealing with various health problems, both matters they have shared with us after needing to post live recordings for a handful of weeks. Sibs, please take care of yourselves. If a hiatus to regroup is needed, we will all understand and patiently waiting for you to return.
  • chortlesbee
    A chill silly listen
    Delightful and ridiculous. Excited for every upload :) easy to love. Great listening companion for all things except maybe running because it’s sometimes hard to laugh and breathe at the same time lol
  • Blackburn927
    Forever Obsessed!!!
    I’ve been listening to this podcast ever since the Morbid episode that Christine guest-starred in! I thought her voice was so nice to listen to and now I get to hear her goofy side as well. I used listen to this podcast while getting ready for bed (because I didn’t want to listen to murder before I went to sleep) but now I’ve started binge-listening from the very beginning. I drive my partner crazy because I’m always walking around the house with my AirPods in laughing to myself and he always wants to know what’s so funny. Unfortunately he’s not a podcast-listener or I’d definitely put him onto this! Also, I appreciate Xandy’s candidness about his health struggles as I am currently in the process of getting diagnosed for a chronic disease and it has helped me feel less alone. Overall, I just love these two and hearing about their sweet family as well. I will forever be laughing along with the Scheifer sibs!
  • Frenchie poo
    Kept me company
    I started this podcast while I was stranded in my car during a blizzard in Buffalo. It was probably the only thing keeping me sane during those 24 hours.
  • BaileyWhite<3
    I love this BUT
    I have listened to every episode and I love this show but I desperately wish my beautiful girl would stop explaining jokes. I don’t think she realizes she does it but like bestie I’m here with you. I heard the set up and understood the first time ❤️
  • randommansodoskcjis
    👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
    Can’t believe it took me this long to start listening to this podcast. Xander and Xtine are doing the Lord’s work with this one. 5/5 would add to dream blunt rotation
  • Ail3ma
    They’re both funny
    They’re both funny
  • Aveech
    Life-Saving
    I’m currently pregnant, and this podcast is the only thing that stops me from puking on my way to work in the morning. It has been life-altering — dare I say life-saving. Thank you, I love you guys. Edited 4 years later to add that I love this podcast even more than I did then and I am currently DYING at the person who reviewed complaining about the “Eek” episodes. A self-awarewolf in the wild.
  • Demonic Yonic
    Whole Foods
    I once saw Xanthony at a Whole Foods, but decided not to come and say hi because he smelled. Edit: I didn’t know I left this review here or why it was 1 star. Love this show and listen as soon as I can. Thanks for the laughs!
  • Gmk1966
    Love this show
    I’ve been listening since the first episode and the show just gets better. Feels like sitting with friends and just talking about all the crazy.
  • Gaberiel77
    Comfort Podcast
    I have listened to this podcast 3 times through fully. I am on the 4th time through listening. It is one of my comfort podcasts to listen to. Xandy and Xtine are amazing podcasters and I really enjoy listening to their tangents.
  • iKyliedunn
    I wish I could give 100 stars
    Love these two! They’re so fun to listen to. Feels like I’m chillin with my best friends.
  • Mermanda!
    Fun
    Fun banter, tangents, themes, callbacks, and rapport. Nice.
  • Halfpintprincess
    Light hearted fun
    Found this from following TWWD.. good for some lighthearted fun and Shiggles!!
  • Zombie lovers78
    Fine
    It’s good
  • ludfisk
    Contains sexy stuff 😱😱😱
    They are agents of Lucifer 🔥 🔥🔥
  • McBeety
    Love love love!
    Love this show. Ultimate comfort pod. Reading through a couple of the reviews here is another level of irony. I’d suggest an episode reading your own bad reviews, but think/ hope there aren’t enough to make a whole episode :) thanks yall
  • Daziies
    Ow
    This podcast just made me laugh so suddenly during my workout that I fell over and pulled a muscle
  • Jon Tazewell
    Too many negative reviews
    One star
  • Hip happy pixie
    Silly fun!
    I like the chill nature of this podcast and it’s often funny. Xtine makes me laugh as her name considering on her other podcast her name is Christine but laughing is good! Banter between brother and sister is sweet! Update, it’s usually fun but Christine, it’s not nice when you are too mean to Andy and he is playing the little brother part too well. I like more when you are equals.
  • krb312
    Very annoying
    I really liked this podcast, but then the sister of the podcast found it delightful to shriek “EEK!” constantly in my ears, and the brother is trying so hard to be Eeyore in human form. (And I did listen and respect his openness through his health struggles, but now it’s like you meet up to record to just be a pissy little baby- good god dude, is everything so miserable?) I really do try to meet people where they’re at in life, but these two clearly don’t want to progress as humans. I still listened until the fifth podcast she obnoxiously shrieked EEK out of nowhere- this was well after the episode where she delightfully did it over and over. Ma’am, I do understand you have a small child, but perhaps try to act like a role model instead of pretending to be a two year old? Literally no one wants you shrieking directly into their ears. Shut. Up. I wanted people who mocked morons leaving stupid reviews, but they’ve turned into- or perhaps always were- the same idiots they’re mocking. If you’re gonna listen, try the older, funnier episodes before they turned into the “I know I live in Cincinnati, but I USED TO LIVE IN LA” godawful stereotype. No. One. Cares. You live in a wonderful, thriving city, and having moved away for a couple years doesn’t make you interesting- try developing a personality instead.
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